Stupid things about Apple, post 2: 'Apple is Doomed because Phil Schiller is Fat.'

I love Apple, just like you, which is why I worry that Steve's liver cancer will flare up again, and we'll have to watch keynotes by Phil Schiller, who is Apple’s senior vice president of Worldwide Product Marketing. Marketing, isn't that all about presentation, like, not being grosely overweight, bouncing all over the stage like an application's icon trying to get your attention from the dock?

As a lover of Apple, I think it's important to meditate on the future of the brand, and what the implications of having Schiller's sweating all over the stage, and ending his keynotes with 'one more thing, by thing, I mean donut.'

Firstly, all the Apple ads will feature fatter tallent, 'Hello, I'm a PC...and I'm a Mac...and we just ate a baby'
And then there's the iPod ads... holds up to 10,000 burgers.
Basically everyone's going to lose interest in Apple after Steve goes if Phil doesn't lose some weight, you agree that seeing Phil in a turtleneck is a disgusting thought, that's why there's no picture of it here...unless you ask for one in the comments section, then I'm all over it like Phil over a cake.