Thursday, August 31, 2006

Stupid things about Apple, post 6: 'PC is the true star of the Mac/PC ads.'

I love Apple, but it seams that Apple loves PC more than Mac, and the evidence is so glaringly obvious, that this post will be an insulting reiteration of what you know to be true, (look into your heart).

Here's how it plays out in all the Mac/PC ads...

Better
In Better, PC's character struggles with the limitations of language, and the duality of comprehension, as his definition of 'better' is challenged by the lowly and doubtful character of Mac, who I might add, is always under dressed.

iLife
This ad sees Mac continue his passive aggressive assault on the innocent PC, who is, in the beginning, enjoying his iPod (something we ironically never see Mac doing). By the end of this ad, Mac has heaped scorn and humiliation on PC, leaving him to question himself once more, much to the sardonic delight of the smug Mac. Our empathy for PC grows ever stronger.

Network
This racial hate piece assumes that all digital cameras come from Japan, and that everyone who comes from Japan is asian, and a hot chick. In addition, that hot asian chicks can pull photos out of their butts. This intolerant KKK promotion also highlights Mac's glib multi-lingual skills, which are pressed even further in 'Touché.' What an arrogant bastard.

Touché
Mac is at it again, clearly having too much time on his hands, he peppers PC with anti-logic and nonsensical double speak, all while aserting that by his very existance, PC is defunct. His self gratifying tyrade is tantamount to a public display of deviant exhibitionistic autoeroticism.

Out of the Box
In Out of the Box, Mac demonstrates that the foundation of his superiority complex if founded on pure ignorance, that his ready and seemingly unlimited functionality is somehow his responsibility. He believes that he is self made, a god unto himself, who is not created, but who is eternal and self evident. This ad is an attack not only on PC, but all theology, and people of all faiths everywhere. PC represents the suffering Christ figure, on whom all the world's inequities are heaped, to whom we cling for our very salvation. Apple wants us to love PC, to worship PC.

Angel/Devil
The theological battle continues in Angel/Devil, where we are given insight into the inner struggles of PC, we empathise with him as he comes to terms with his desires and limitations, descending at the end of the ad, towards a form of phychological break. The symbology of the 'Black Book' handed to him by the true satan (Mac) initiates PC's slide into the yawing jaws of hell, hiding behind the thin veil of a treasured moment with a picture book, the Black Book is in fact a metaphore for the knowledge of Good and Evil, which biblically initiated the spiritual split by humanity from God. Here, Mac is the serpent in the garden, stealing away God's beloved Adam. The archetype is so strong, that we see ourselves flailing about, searching unsuccessfully about us for some tactile evidence of our inner conflicts. This is how we spend our lives, and so, we see ourselves in PC, which is what Apple really wants.


Accident
Sympathy vote. Nuf said.

Trust Mac
In their world, who does PC really have to fear? There is only the 'other' and the other is Mac. Ironically he seeks comfort in the same grim doppelganger who is responsible for his fear. PC is tricked by Mac again. At this it becomes clear that PC feels he is incapable of escaping the relentlessly abusive Mac. PC becomes the battered wife figure. We secretly yern for PC to plan his escape from his loutish and abusive husband, to kill Mac one night when he staggers in drunk and full of rage, to force himself on PC again, that PC run away, to a new life, full of hope, to be truley free from Mac.

Work Vs Home
This ad plays on the idea of subjectivity as a negative. It puts forward the argument that if someone is happy, but it's not the popular brand of happy, it is somehow wrong. Now we all know this is not true, but Mac destabilises PC's very reality, and has us wanting to shout Mac down, 'If he likes piecharts, LEAVE HIM AND HIS PIECHARTS ALONE, I LIKE THINGS THAT AREN'T COMMONLY LIKED, GET LOST MAC!!!'

Viruses
Ever have a cold, or have a grandparent die? Then you;re supposed to be siding with PC on this one. Between you and me, just because Mac isn't coughing and sneezing, doesn't mean he isn't HIV positive. He is too you know, look at him.

Restarting
I'm not a morning, most people aren't. If you are, you're simple, and I respect that. This ad appeals to our frailty, our imperfect by lovable existance. PC is a conduit to self acceptance, while Mac is the picture of the denial of reality.

WSJ
Another display of deviant exhibitionist eroticism, this time, with the assistance of a journalist. PC's retort in this ad could be, '95% market share says something,' instead, he is left struggling once more, and the sympathy pours out of our hearts like blood for PC. Nice work on this one Apple, we watch this ad and actually believe that one article in the WSJ trumps a 20:1 ownership ratio in a trillion dollar industry. Genius!

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